The decision to move a parent to memory care is usually fraught with emotion. Even if you know it’s best for them, you still second guess your choice. Will they be taken care of? Am I being selfish? How will they take it? These are just some of the questions that may be perturbing you.
The process of shifting a loved one to assisted living becomes even harder when you need to explain this to the other parent. How do you convince mom that dad would be better off in a fully facilitated memory care home? There comes a time when dementia patients are not fit to live independently as they can harm themselves or those around them. This unprovoked behavior usually occurs in the last stages of dementia and is commonly known as Alzheimer’s aggression.
Steps to Convince Mom to Move Dad to Memory Care
Transitioning a loved one to memory care is a tedious process for you, your dad, and your mom as well. At a later age, parents tend to become co-dependent. They start feeling depressed if separated from each other. They also start being overly protective of their partner. If your dad is suffering from dementia, your mom may not be fully equipped to take care of him all by herself.
Even if you previously adopted the role of caregiver, things may have changed now. Added responsibility, deteriorating patient health, and a progression in his disease could make you want to consider assisted living. While you might have come to terms with it, how do you convince your mom? Given the nature of the news, be patient. Follow the steps below to make this process as easy as possible for her and him.
1. Discuss the Need for Memory Care
You may have done your research and come to this decision, but understand that your mom is still clueless. She knows you love your dad, but expect to be taken aback when you break this news to her. Instead of telling her straight away, you could highlight the need for memory care.
One way to do that is by explaining how your dad can benefit from 24-7 supervision. Stress on how he will be safe while also having access to better facilities and care. After all, a memory care home has trained staff that knows what a dementia patient needs. For example, if your dad tends to sleepwalk, tell mom he will be better off in a memory care facility. He would be under supervision even during the wee hours of the night to ensure his safety.
2. Weigh Out The Pros and Cons of Assisted Living and Home Care
It’s natural that your mom might be concerned about letting dad out of her sight. Understand that this is hard for her. She has lived with her partner all her life, and this is a major transition for her. She might be completely averse to the idea, but you can help ease her into it.
One way to do that is by weighing out both the options i.e., assisted living vs. home care. Some of the prominent benefits of memory care homes include:
- Professional level of care
- Improved relationship with the dementia patient
- Plenty of opportunities for social interaction
- Advanced facilities
- 24/7 supervision
Once she sees the benefits that her partner would be getting, she’ll come around.
3. Acknowledge Her Concerns and Fears
Given the sensitive nature of the situation, expect your mom to feel distressed. If it took you time to come to this decision, imagine how hard this must be for her! One tip for dementia caregivers is to be patient. The best way to help her is to exercise empathy.
Let her know you’re there for her and understand that it’s hard for her. Let her know that you only have your dad’s best interests in mind. Answer and address any concerns or queries she has. Let her know she can visit him anytime she wants as this is often an overriding concern for the parent who will be left behind.
4. Take Her to Visit the Memory Care Home
It’s normal that your mom may be unconvinced. To settle down her fears, you can take her to visit the memory care home that you have chosen for your dad. This will help her feel better once she has seen where her partner will be living. Take her input on what she thinks of the facility as her opinion matters most.
If she has any concerns regarding the chosen facility, let her speak to the management. Alternatively, you can even assist her in searching for other memory care homes. Let her look through the features and visit the facility too. Once she is satisfied with the ‘new home’ for her spouse, the process will be much easier for her.
5. Help Her Join a Support Group
Your mom may also be worried about feeling lonely after your dad is sent to his new home. This is another concern that you should address. She has spent all her life with him, so this transition will likely take a toll on her. While you and the rest of the family should offer their complete support, you really can’t understand her situation.
You should help your mom join support groups for spouses and families of dementia patients. Support groups can help alleviate the burden, as it makes it easier to know there are people in the same boat. This would also be a great avenue for her to socialize and perhaps meet like-minded people. This will help make up for the impending fear of isolation and loneliness too.
Final Word
When you have decided to shift your dad to memory care, the first step is to take your mom on board. You want to make sure the transition is easy for both parents. For this, you should use the tips mentioned here to break the news to your mom. After all, her support is essential for you and your dad.
We Are Here To Help
At Sycamore Creek Ranch Memory Care we are here to help. We want families to make the best decision for their situation
Furthermore, the staff at Sycamore Creek Ranch is proactive. That means we are not waiting for a problem to arise. Instead, we are actively engaged with each and every resident. And with only 16 residents we can do that!
If you are looking for Memory Care in The Woodlands or Memory Care in Spring, Texas come for a tour at Sycamore Creek Ranch! See how we can help.
